by guest blogger Hugh Houston
I meant my marriage vows I made the day my wife and I were married. But somewhere along the way I fell into lust and porn.
I think most of us know what God said in the beginning: “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:22-24).
Marriage means one man and one woman together for as long as they both shall live. The marriage vows we commonly hear say, “I take thee, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance.”
I knew when I got married that I was pledging to be faithful to my wife. To love only her. To never betray her. To be her one and only and have her as my one and only.
But then lust and porn began to consume me. But unlike my relationship with my wife, those habits never met my needs. Desires were never satisfied. Lust always wanted more. The person who is addicted to pornography can spend hours looking at image after image, because none of those images will ever be enough. There is always a longing to see just one more.
My wife could not understand how I could proclaim that my looking at porn was really not about her. She was correct in that by looking at porn I was betraying her and going against our wedding vows. But none of the women I saw were good enough. It’s not that my wife is not attractive or desirable. It’s that lust is an animal that is always hungry and always wants just a little bit more.
I have written a book about my experience. In it I use the example of the person who is thirsty and in an effort to quench their thirst, they drink seawater. They can drink gallon after gallon and their thirst will only increase. That’s how it is with porn and lust. Looking at porn does not satisfy our desires; rather it heightens and increases them.
Only true, genuine love in a committed marriage relationship can satisfy and bring real joy. I’ve discovered that now. My wife and I have been married for over 40 years. Her skin may not be as smooth as it was on our wedding day, but she is more beautiful than ever in my eyes. I have traded the many for one.
No pornographic image can ever be enough for the person who is seeking a high. But one partner is plenty for the spouse who has learned what our Creator intended from the beginning. When Adam looked at Eve, he saw his dream come true. She was a gift from the Father. She was, as the Lord stated, “A helper suitable for him.”
I deeply regret the time I wasted seeking fulfillment and excitement in all the wrong places. How mistaken I was! Pornography could never fill the hole in my soul. Not in a million years! Only the Lord can meet my deepest longings. And He is the one who placed a human being in my life to be my very best friend and companion. The one I love and cherish. The one who, with His help, will remain by my side until death do us part.
My book, JESUS IS BETTER THAN PORN: How I Confessed my Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life, is available at Amazon.